frappy friday

I was gearing up for our usual frappy friday when it hit me that this would be my last post of 2017.  I’ve seen people posting on Instagram #2017bestnine, where I’m assuming they post their top nine memories from the past year, and I realized I wanted to do the same. I want to take a moment and reflect on the past year, all the good and all the bad, before moving forward into a new year. Because I think we often forget to take the time to look back on what we endured and accomplished. To reflect on all that we encountered and how we grew or what we learned, and I’d like to take a hot second to do just that. I hope you’ll join me.  I also wish I could provide you with one of these to enjoy as you scroll through, maybe in the new year.

1. I cut my hair. This was a pretty big deal.  I’ve always had long hair.  One time in kindergarten I asked my mom if I could cut my hair because my two best friends were both getting their hair cut, and we all wanted to match. She said no. I was devastated. In hindsight, she most definitely made the right parenting choice. But as a kindergartener who just wanted to match her best friends, I viewed my mom as someone who was out to ruin my life. I’ve cut my hair once before, senior year of college before embarking into the real world. But this last cut was even shorter. It was liberating.
2. I got a tattoo.  Heyooooo! Yes, my parents know.  No, they weren’t thrilled.  But this was completely my decision. In fact, most people hardly even notice it. Which is perfect, because I didn’t get it for them. I got it for me.
3. I started a new job. A sweet friend of mine, who I consider more of like a guardian angel, helped me get a new job in a work environment that was warm and welcoming. Where you truly feel apart of a team and your co-workers genuinely care about your well being.  It was a game changer for me, and I’m forever grateful to Cait.
4. I signed up for dance. I danced in high school, and it was a huge outlet for me.  It pushed me physically and allowed me to be creative. It was something I missed greatly in college, and I longed to get back in the groove…literally.  This past year, I finally signed up for classes at Dance 101 and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
5. I fell in love. Looking at you aje. This past year I met a boy, and he was patient with me and kind. He made me laugh, and accepted all my quirks. He’s really great, and I’m real glad our friend Sarah introduced us.
6. I planted my own flowers. This was kind of a failure. I potted the plants wrong, and I’m pretty certain at the absolute wrong time of year for these specific seeds. BUT I learned a lot, and you can bet your bottom dollar I’m gonna try again.
7. I wrote my own life rules when I turned 24. You can check ’em out here. I got the idea from Hannah Brencher, you can check hers out here.
8. I attempted to become a runner.  I definitely failed, HOWEVER I did try and that’s honestly a huge accomplishment.  I’ve included a photo of me post-run for your viewing pleasure. 
9. I witnessed friends chase after their dreams,  which inspired me to chase after one of my own, frappy friday!

………….Not to mention I got to see the Dawgs become SEC Champs!

Well, there you have it. My #2017bestnine.  What are some of yours? I’d love to hear ’em. Hope you have a magical New Years!  See you in 2018!

Peace,love&fraps,

Ash

St. Patrick’s Day is my favorite holiday, and that’s what I tell people when they ask. But I always answer under the pretense that Christmas is taken out of the running, because Christmas would automatically take the cake.  Everything about it captivates me. From the bright lights, that give ordinary scenes a whimsical twinkle, to the crowded parking lots, filled with hurried shoppers leaving a hum in the air, it all is truly magical.  I know what you’re thinking: this girl has seen one too many Hallmark Channel movies.  And you’re right. I definitely have. But that’s besides the point.  The joy that comes at Christmas is addicting, and I always want to savor every moment of the season. This year, savoring the sweetness of the season has been hard.  So this week, instead of our usual frappy friday post, I’m going to share a little piece of my struggle. For the first time, I’m going to share my personal battle with depression and anxiety, something I’ve never done before.  So if you’d like, or if you have a minute, take a seat and I’ll pour you some coffee…..

For the sake of time, I won’t start from the beginning, and that’s partially because I’m not sure I would even know where to begin. Instead, I’ll start at Monday, when my depression took an unprecedented hold of me.  This week has been filled with more tears than I care to admit, and a whirlwind of emotions that has left me exhausted and depleted.  One night this week, my mom had to come down and spend the night with me because everything just seemed to be too much. So, here is my humble attempt at explaining what this past week has looked like.

Depression makes me feel like I’m trapped in my own body.  As if the real me is being kept locked away in a glass box, forced to watch as someone else inhabits her body.  An inhabitant that doesn’t smile or laugh, that is easily irritable, and that is quick to anger. Simply put, someone who is hard to love. All the time, the real me is forced to look on, while her laughs are stifled and smiles smeared away, being replaced with lifeless substitutes. I think the hardest part of depression, for me at least, is knowing just how difficult it must be for others to love me.  Because I know that I don’t love me and the person I become when depression takes its grip. All I want is to laugh and smile.  To make you laugh and smile.  But days when depression hits, those simple tasks can seem impossible to accomplish. Nothing seems funny and it feels as if the world is against me.  It’s like a shadow has been cast over my eyes, and everything has gone dark. The joy and magic that usually come so easily during this season seem impossibly far off. And that’s when the anxiety creeps in, mine usually manifest itself in my chest, like a weight has been dropped on it. Occasionally, it may steal my appetite, or on night’s like tonight, it robs me of my sleep. But I make attempts to fight off the gloom of the depression: I fake laughs and force smiles. While on the inside I’m fighting tooth and nail to shatter the glass box and take back control. However, this can take a toll.  It can leave me feeling depleted wanting nothing more than to lay in my bed where I know I can avoid it all by falling into a numbing sleep.

Tonight, I’m left lying awake while my thoughts wander to my worst fears. So, I do what I normally do when the tears are welling up and my thoughts won’t seem to settle.  I pray to my Prince of Peace. I pray that His peace unexplainable would flood my heart and mind.  That He would ease my anxious thoughts, calm my racing heart, and wash His love over me. This is what I want you to know, that I’m fighting. I’m not giving up and I’m not backing down, though I will have moments when I may need to be held because I’m not able to stand on my own. There will be times when I’ll run and push you away.  I’ll do my best to isolate myself. Don’t let me. Remind me of my fight, and that as Shania Twain would say, “I ain’t no quitter.”

This Advent season may be harder than I ever expected, but I wait with hopeful anticipation for the birth of the Prince of Peace, who came to save me. I don’t know what you’re  facing this holiday season, but whatever it may be, I want you to know that you’re never alone, and like my mom tells me, “there’s nothing we can’t get through.” Squeezing you tight and wishing the happiest holidays to you and yours.

Peace,love&fraps,

Ash

Good morning and happy Friday!!! If you’re a regular, you know the drill: grab that coffee and pull up a seat.  If you’re new, WELCOME!! So glad that you decided to join us. Grab a chair, something to drink, and I’ll take it from there.  Hope this week has been good to ya.  Here’s what I have for you today:

1. Elsie Larson is one of the co-founders of A Beautiful Mess.  She just adopted the most precious baby girl, Nova.  I’ve loved looking at all the pictures she’s been posting since she and her husband got to meet their daughter for the first time.
2. I have a new girl crush.  And I am in serious stalker mode.  She just wrote a book: Girl, wash your face.  I pre-ordered it.  I tried to resist, but the more I read up on the book the more my walls came tumbling down, and the next thing I know I’m entering my credit card info.
3. My friend, Audge, has been raving about the cinn&sug toast from Spiller Park for weeks now.  I went with her Thursday morning to finally give it a try.  It’s just as yummy as you would think.
4. Lauren Daigle’s Christmas album, Behold, makes me want to slow dance in my kitchen.  I imagine it playing on a record player, while some hot cocoa is simmering on the stove, and I’m just swaying along to the tune.  Ideally, snow would be falling outside.
5. Have you ever had coffee soda?  Most likely if you’ve ever been to Nashville you know what I’m talking about.  But you are about to have the option to try it at home. It’s about to be available in cans.
6. I want to get all my pictures framed here.
7. I’m going on a ski trip in March, and I couldn’t be more excited!! With that being said, I’m a first time skier and I don’t have anything I need. So, if any of you have been skiing before and don’t mind letting someone borrow your clothing, I promise to take very good care of it and would be very grateful!! All of that to say, I’m loving the travel collection at Target by Wit & Delight.
8. I want to do good in the world.  Lately, I’ve been convicted to take a step back and take a hard look at the companies I purchase from.  I want to support companies that are doing good in the world.  Able is one of those companies.  I’ve been following them on Instagram for years, but honestly forgot about them until the other day when I complimented my friend, katie b., on her rings.  Turns out they were from Able.  I immediately put them on my Christmas list.
9. You know how it snowed last Friday?  Well, check out this wedding photo the extremely talented Mary Hannah Harte captured.  ISN”T IT LOVELY?!?!?! Those folks are the luckiest people I know.  I want to frame the picture and display it in my house and I don’t even know those people.
10. This next video is hard to watch.  I can’t make it the whole way through because I find it heart breaking. Climate change is a real thing and it’s taking a massive toll on our ecosystems and their inhabitants.  Let this video be a wake up call and help us want to be the change.
11. Here’s how we can partake in the relief efforts for the destruction brought on by the California wildfires.
12. I’ve been very in to these type of wreaths lately and I feel like I’m seeing them everywhere. I love the simplicity of it.
13. In the beginning of the fall season, I started seeing chenille sweaters pop up everywhere.  I was convinced this was a trend I would not be participating in.  I thought the material looked cheap and reminded me of my 90s childhood.  Well, fast forward a few weeks and now I’m a big supporter of the trend and own two chenille sweaters myself, and I want all the chenille sweaters I can get my hands on.  Whoops.  *Just look at the photo for evidence.  This is me in Target at 8:30 on a Saturday sending a picture to my mom*
14. Maybe you’ve heard of the new CW show Riverdale?  It’s on its second season (check out the first season on Netflix), and the characters are based of the Archie comics.  Well, Jimmy Fallon did a parody of the show with characters from Peanuts, and you have to see it.

Alright y’all, thanks for reading.  See you next week?

Peace,love&fraps,

Ash